Single Motherhood – The Pros and Cons

A deeply honest reflection on single motherhood: its struggles, strengths, and silent beauty. A story about invisible work, guilt, freedom, and rediscovering self-worth beyond a job title.

Single motherhood often stirs emotions. People have so many opinions about it, especially those who’ve never lived it. We hear that we have it easier because “we don’t have to argue with anyone about raising the kids.”Or harder, because “without a man, it’s impossible to manage.” (really?)

But the truth? The truth is that every one of us has her own story.

Some of us chose to raise our children alone. Others were forced into it by life itself.

And while from the outside our lives may look different, inside we often feel the same:

the exhaustion, the pressure, the guilt… but also pride, strength, and gratitude.

In this post, I want to talk about both sides of single motherhood, the light and the dark. Because as much as it can drain you, it can also teach you independence, trust in yourself, and inner peace. Sometimes life alone with your children isn’t a tragedy. It’s the beginning of a new chapter, one where you finally get to be yourself.

The Everyday Reality

Sometimes you wake up in the morning and think: “Today, I just have to make it through.”

There’s no office schedule or meeting plan. There’s home. There are the kids. And there’s you, showing up every single day, in the same hoodie, with a cup of coffee, and the quiet thought that nobody sees how hard you’re trying.

“You don’t ‘have a job.’ Yet you work 24 hours a day. And no one notices.”

Have you ever wondered how people see a mother who doesn’t work outside the home?Some see a victim. Others someone who’s given up. And some a woman who simply doesn’t want to work, or doesn’t have to. But what they don’t see is that this choice often hides something much deeper: The decision to be fully present with your child, without a nanny, cleaner, or grandparents on call. A child’s illness. A lack of support. Burnout. Trauma. Or simply the need to pause after the storm.

As Jesper Juul once said,“Children don’t need perfect parents, just real ones.”

And real mothers sometimes don’t have the strength to pretend that everything is fine.

When the World Stops Seeing You

Not having a paid job can hurt more than we admit not just because of money, but because suddenly, the world stops seeing you. You’re no longer “the one from the office,” “the one who got the promotion,” “the one who does something. You’re just “the mom.”In my case the single mom. And even though it’s the most important role in the world, it can also be the loneliest. No one asks, “How are you feeling?”They ask, “So, what do you do now?”

“The world stops seeing you the moment you stop having a job title.”

And that’s when that sting of shame hits. That quiet voice whispers, “Maybe I really am doing nothing…”

No. That’s not true.

Because our work, yours and mine is being the emotional filter for our children. It’s doing the laundry, cooking, listening, comforting, waking up at night. It’s thousands of decisions made alone. It’s everything no one will ever list on a resume.

Rediscovering Yourself

This time can also be a gift, a moment to really get to know yourself. To see what builds you up and what breaks you down. To start appreciating the little things that once felt heavy or ordinary: The closeness with your child. The evening talks. The quiet chaos of rushing through every day. Even the moments when you’re out of breath.

“Single motherhood without a job isn’t the end. It’s often the beginning of a new version of you.”

As Brené Brown said,“Shame cannot survive being spoken.”

That’s why I speak out loud about how it really feels: What I’m afraid of, what hurts, and what’s slowly healing inside me. Not because everything suddenly gets better,but because I stop pretending to be the strong one who can do it all.

I can’t. And neither should you.

The Invisible Work

A stay-at-home mom is not a woman who does nothing. She’s a woman carrying the entire world on her shoulders. She keeps emotional order when everything else is falling apart. She finds strength inside herself even when there’s no one to lean on.

She may not have a corporate title but she holds the most important position there is: keeping lives together. And she has the greatest experience of all: endurance.

My Story

I consciously chose my motherhood. I was lucky enough not to have to rush back to work after giving birth. I wanted to be there to see every stage, every first word, every step.

I knew that time would never come back.

Living abroad made a full-time job difficult: a different language, a different culture, a different rhythm of life. But I didn’t sit idle. I created projects, some successful, some not but I tried. And I’m proud of that, because being a mother never meant giving up on myself.

After the divorce, my children’s father supported us, which gives me a sense of stability.

But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t working. In fact, I am exhausted and I have every right to be. Because single motherhood even without office hours is still work.

Constant readiness. Responsibility. Managing school, activities, emotions, relationships, health all on your own. Always “on duty.”No breaks, no replacements, no safety net.

“Single motherhood is a full-time job!

It means no one to say, “I’ve got this, you rest.” It means knowing everything depends on your strength, your health, your organization. And when the day ends, there’s often just silence, the kind that makes you hear your own thoughts too loudly.

The Misunderstanding

I’ve often heard people say: “What are you even stressed about?”“How can you be tired if you don’t work?”, “What could you possibly be overwhelmed by if you stay home all day?”

And I think how deeply wrong it is to believe that only paid work gives you the right to be tired. Single motherhood is a 24/7 job often without pay, without breaks, and without applause.

The Bright Side

But there are upsides, too.

I don’t have to explain to anyone why I want to spend the day in pajamas with my kids.

I have freedom to make choices, to raise my children my way, to create my daily life exactly as I want it. I’m learning independence, how to manage myself, my finances, my emotions. And even when it’s hard, I know I’m building something powerful inside.

“Single motherhood is not weakness. It’s being everything at once: a mom, a "dad", a friend, a therapist, a chaos manager.”

And even if the world doesn’t see it, I do. I know how much it costs.

A Different Kind of Success

Maybe one day I’ll go back to work. Maybe I’ll create something new, something of my own, something born out of this exact experience.

Or maybe I’m already doing something valuable, it just doesn’t fit into a neat little box yet.

And that’s okay. Today, I know I don’t have to prove to anyone that I “work hard enough.”Because being a mother is not a job title, it’s a calling.

Every woman who wakes up and holds her little world together every day, is already enough.

A Question for You

So today, I want to ask you:

Can you see your own worth, even when someone tells you that without a paycheck,

you have no right to be tired?

Can you be gentle with yourself, when the world screams that you must do more, faster, better? Can you, in the middle of all the chaos: the laundry, the dishes, the bedtime routines see the quiet strength that’s always been inside you?

“We may not have office jobs, but we work 24 hours a day even if no one notices.”

It doesn’t matter. I see it. I see myself. I see my children. I see our love. And I hope you see yours, too. Single motherhood is not a failure. It’s a different path: difficult, demanding, but full of discovery and pride.

With Love

MAG