Finding Yourself: A Lifelong Journey Through Loneliness, Motherhood, and Acceptance

Street of Amsterdam

"It's true that finding oneself is no easy task. Perhaps it is the hardest of all tasks a human being must face in this world,"

— this quote from *"A Treatise on Shelling Beans"* by Wiesław Myśliwski was shared with me by my friend and reflect on how difficult the journey toward discovering our own identity can be.

Throughout life, we struggle with many difficult questions: Who am I? Why am I here? Where do I belong in this world?

What is most surprising is that the answers to these questions are neither obvious nor immediate.

Sometimes it feels like there is no easy way to find yourself — and the harder you search, the more lost you feel.

This thought resonates deeply with the lives of single mothers, who not only have to find themselves but also face daily challenges that constantly test their sense of identity.

But it's not just a problem for us; it’s something our teenage children feel too.

Just yesterday, my daughter Melis shared with me similar feelings: she doesn’t know who she is, where she belongs, and she doesn’t feel authentic.

Finding oneself — whether as an individual, a mother, or a teenager — is no easy feat.

It’s a lifelong process that requires continuous self-work.

When I talk about "finding yourself," I don’t just mean discovering your passions, dreams, and goals, but also accepting yourself fully — with all your strengths and flaws.

For a single mother, often struggling with guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness, the question *"Who am I?"* can feel almost absurd.

A single mother is someone who must constantly juggle multiple roles — caregiver, worker, homemaker, and a woman who desires to be something more than just a "house manager."

In this constant balancing act between responsibilities and personal needs, it's easy to lose touch with who you really are.

We must remember that "finding yourself" is a slow and sometimes painful process, one that involves peeling away unnecessary layers until we reach the very core of our identity.

And in this context, a single mother may feel she doesn’t have enough time, strength, or support to embark on this journey.

The Search for Self

Self-discovery is an introspective process that can bring about moments of crisis, but also moments of clarity and inner peace.

A single mother, burdened with enormous responsibility, often doesn’t have the luxury to focus solely on herself.

We are forced to play many roles at once, leading to a sense of disorientation.

In those moments, when meeting the basic needs of our children comes first, it’s easy to forget that we, too, have dreams, needs, and a right to our own space.

All this makes the journey of finding oneself even more challenging — not only because of the lack of time but also due to social pressures and expectations.

Single mothers often struggle with societal labels that weigh heavily on their identity and contribute to a lack of support.

The Two Faces of Loneliness

Loneliness often experienced by single mothers has two sides.

On one hand, there is the physical loneliness — the absence of a partner or life companion.

On the other hand, there is existential loneliness — the feeling that, on this path of self-discovery, there is no one who truly understands what you’re going through.

The collision of these two forms of loneliness can be incredibly difficult and lead to frustration.

It can feel like there is never enough time for reflection, and every attempt to break free from the cycle leads only to another challenge, not to resolution.

Yet loneliness, in the context of finding oneself, can also hold great value.

Without external influence, in silence and solitude, we can begin to truly understand who we are and what we do not want in our lives.

Loneliness provides space for reflection, which can lead to greater authenticity and self-acceptance.

Only in silence and isolation can a mother, who has dedicated herself entirely to her family, rediscover her passions, needs, and — most importantly — her self-worth.

The Road to Self-Acceptance

Understanding yourself does not mean creating a perfect image.

On the contrary — the journey is about accepting our weaknesses, imperfections, and lack of control over everything.

A single mother rarely has full control over her life — actually, none of us does — which naturally brings feelings of uncertainty and fear for the future.

However, accepting this reality can become the foundation upon which we rebuild our identity.

Finding oneself is the process of realizing that we do not have to be perfect to be enough.

It’s also about understanding that our worth does not depend on how much we have achieved or how many expectations we have fulfilled.

It’s a process in which we begin to appreciate who we are -right now, with all the experiences that have shaped us.

Finding Yourself in Everyday Life

Although the process is difficult and requires time, it’s important to remember that every day offers a chance to discover something new about ourselves.

For single mothers, everyday life — full of duties — can also become a space for reflection.

Even in the simplest moments, like resting at the end of a hard day, we can notice our own desires and needs.

Ultimately, the key is to give ourselves permission to be who we are — to accept our choices, not only those concerning our family but also those concerning ourselves.

In the context of single motherhood, the search for self allows us not only to better understand ourselves but also to become better mothers, better women — people who are not afraid to take responsibility for their lives and who can once again dream their own dreams.

Sometimes the road is not easy, but as Myśliwski says, it is one of the most important tasks a human being must undertake.

Finding and making peace with our true identity allows us to live authentically and fully.

When we are not aligned with ourselves, we begin to feel inner conflict, which can lead to feelings of emptiness, anxiety, and the inability to make decisions that genuinely serve ourselves and our loved ones.

Much of our life is often lived according to family patterns, societal systems, and the expectations of others — and of ourselves.

Being at peace with our own identity is also the key to inner harmony.

When we accept ourselves — with all our strengths, flaws, and complexities — we can build healthier relationships, not seeking acceptance at all costs but welcoming it naturally.

We set boundaries and invite into our lives only those who do not require us to prove our worth.

It also allows us to be more open and flexible, because a strong sense of self frees us from the need to prove anything to anyone.

When we discover our true identity, it becomes easier to make life decisions based on our own values rather than on those imposed by others.

This process brings a sense of peace and fulfillment because we are no longer searching outwardly — everything we need is already within us.

Finding oneself often lasts a lifetime.

It’s a journey that usually begins in youth, but true understanding of oneself often comes only after many years of experiences, reflections, and difficult choices.

On this journey, it is crucial not only to know your desires but also to make peace with your past, to accept the present, and to remain open to whatever the future brings.

Every stage of life brings new challenges and changes the way we see ourselves, but it also allows for deeper understanding of our true identity.

#singlemommess #findingyourself