Loneliness in Healing

The last two years have been a time of enormous change. A turning point in my messy solitude. And the last few months? A whole different dimension – cosmic, even.

The beginning of this year, the events, the relationships – they’ve been a never-ending series of tests for the path I’ve worked through to finally feel some healing. And if there’s one thing I’ve experienced the most deeply, it’s that healing is a very lonely journey.

Healing after toxic relationships, trauma, and loss is a process that often happens in solitude. Many of us – especially those who have been in relationships with narcissistic partners, gone through divorces, and faced painful experiences – encounter moments on this path when we feel completely alone. Paradoxically, it’s often at the time when we need the most support that we don’t receive it.

But why does this happen? Is loneliness in healing something to be feared, or could it actually be essential to true transformation?

When you decide to heal, you often face misunderstanding from those around you. Emotional trauma, codependency, life in a toxic relationship – these are experiences that are hard to explain to someone who hasn’t lived through them.

Most often, you’ll hear things like:

• It wasn’t that bad.

• Others have it worse.

• Why are you still thinking about it? You should let it go.

These comments don’t come from malice but from a lack of awareness. Society still doesn’t grasp how destructive long-term manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional addiction can be. When others can’t support you, you start closing yourself off and learning to cope on your own. Sometimes, that’s the best thing you can do – but it also means your path will be very lonely.

Sometimes, reclaiming yourself requires silence. Healing isn’t just about leaving the past behind – it’s about rebuilding yourself. If you spent years living in the shadow of others, meeting expectations, and forgetting your own needs – and you decide that now is the time to find your identity – be prepared: it doesn’t happen in the noise.

That’s why I’ve learned to be alone, to travel alone, to spend time alone, and to rest alone.

What happens in moments of silence? You start asking yourself:

• Who am I beyond the role of a mother, partner, daughter?

• What do I truly want from life?

• Are my beliefs and values really mine, or were they imposed on me?

• Do I need to change something to feel happy with myself?

Silence allows you to hear your inner voice – but it also confronts you with pain you used to suppress. That’s why so many people avoid solitude – because it forces you to face the hard stuff. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. One day you feel like you could move mountains, and the next you’re crying again from helplessness. There are even panic attacks and full-on crying detoxes. The next day, you feel like you’ve got a hangover – not from alcohol, but from emotions. And honestly, I’m not sure which is worse!

But that exact moment is key to true healing.

People don’t always support your changes. One of the most painful parts of healing is realizing that not everyone will walk this path with you. When you start setting boundaries, choosing yourself, and saying “no” where you used to say “yes,” some people won’t like it.

It’s tough but true – not everyone wants to see you stronger, standing your ground, especially when you never did before. Some people benefited from your passivity, and your new version simply doesn’t serve them anymore. It’s a painful, but necessary stage. In this loneliness, you learn who’s in your life because they love you – and who was only there because it was convenient for them.

Another key element of true healing is mindfulness

The ability to be here and now, without running to the past or fearing the future.

Controlling your thoughts is extremely difficult and demanding. After all, we love reminiscing, reopening wounds, blaming ourselves, or imagining the future. Who doesn’t like to dream about “what if…”?

Mindfulness teaches you to:

• Accept your emotions instead of suppressing them.

• Build a new relationship with yourself.

• Appreciate the little things in everyday life.

But that, too, requires solitude.

You can’t truly practice mindfulness in chaos and rush. To really listen to yourself, you have to spend time alone. And while that may be uncomfortable at first, it’s in that solitude that you start feeling good with yourself.

Here, loneliness is not a punishment – it’s a transition.

Many women fear loneliness because they associate it with rejection, emptiness, sadness. But the truth is, loneliness in the healing process is a bridge – between the old and the new.

It’s the passage from a life where you depended on others to one where you’re emotionally independent.

It’s the stage where you learn that you are complete on your own.

It’s the moment you realize the love you always craved – you can give it to yourself.

And then, loneliness stops being loneliness – it becomes freedom.

So how do you go through the healing process and rediscover yourself?

Life after difficult experiences often feels like walking through fog. Losing yourself, low self-worth, and inner chaos can become your new normal. But it is possible to regain balance and rediscover who you are.

How to move through the healing process?

Accept your past, but don’t let it define you

Your past does not determine your future. What happened to you is not who you are. Acceptance is the first step to breaking free from its grip. Work on forgiveness – not necessarily for others, but especially for yourself.

Rediscover who you are

After years of adapting to others, you might feel lost. Start by asking yourself:

• What brings me joy?

• What are my values?

• What would I do if I weren’t afraid of failure?

Returning to old passions or finding new ones can help you reconnect with yourself.

Take care of your emotional and physical well-being

• Therapy and expert support – a good therapist can help you sort out your thoughts and process your emotions.

• Mindfulness and meditation – these practices help you return to the present moment instead of staying stuck in the past.

• Physical activity – sports, yoga, or dancing can be powerful tools for emotional release and strengthening your body.

Set boundaries and learn to say “no”

A crucial step in healing is learning to establish boundaries. If they’ve been ignored for years, it’s time to rebuild them. That means:

• Distancing yourself from toxic people

• Choosing consciously who you give your time and energy to

• Saying “no” without guilt

Surround yourself with supportive people

Healing doesn’t have to be a lonely journey. Find people who understand your experiences or simply support you. They could be loved ones, friends, support groups, or online communities.

Nurture self-love

• Practice gratitude – write down what you’re thankful for each day.

• Speak to yourself with kindness – turn critical thoughts into supportive affirmations.

• Celebrate your small wins – every step, even the tiniest, is progress toward a better life.

Build your future step by step

You don’t need to have all the answers at once. Focus on one step at a time. Set goals – both small and big – and move at your own pace. Over time, you’ll regain your sense of agency and self-confidence.

Healing is a process that requires sacrifice, time, patience, and above all – care for yourself. And again, it won’t always be easy, but every decision to put yourself first is an investment in a better future. You have the strength to find yourself again – you just have to give yourself a chance.

You are not alone – even if it feels like it right now.

I’m here to support you. I see you – just as I’ve finally seen myself. I want to help you return to self-confidence and rediscover your worth.

#singlemommess #healing