Processing the Past and the Path to Healing: My Story with Secondary Depression

Do you know that feeling? When you know that something is wrong. That how you feel, what you think, what you do, and how you react, has a deeper foundation, independent of you, but dependent on the situation life has placed you in? As my friend said, "You don't choose your family, but it shapes you!" You are also shaped by relationships, connections, events, and life experiences, sometimes entirely beyond your control.

And even though you are aware of it, you work on yourself, you try to explain how you feel... you are misunderstood, getting tired of constantly saying the same thing, tormenting yourself with questions: "Why me? Why did this happen to me? Why doesn't it end?"

Finally, you decide to talk to a specialist!

And then comes the diagnosis. What do you feel? After the session, I felt as if I had been run over by a truck! So many old issues had to come to light again. So many things I don't want to remember and don't want to recall... I don't want them to stay within me! Let them go away because they have ruined my life, and I don't want them to destroy my children's lives! Although sometimes I think it's too late.

I felt relieved!

I had long stopped seeing myself as a victim and rarely blame others for my problems.

I always try to empathetically analyze all situations. We are all human, and everyone deals with problems as best as they can, based on their education, empathy, and strength. It's sad and painful that most of us don't take responsibility for our actions and the harm done to others, sometimes unintentionally. It's also hard to accept that those who were part of past events and traumas won't take responsibility for, because they are no longer with us. And those who are present don't see or ignore the need to fix and change something, which would help both them and us and future generations. It's easier to blame everything and everyone instead of accepting past mistakes, stepping out of the victim role, and feeling better with oneself and the rest of the world. Because even though it's hard, painful, and difficult, it's worth fighting for oneself, and as a result, also for other. We are all in this together.

Let's remember: difficult experiences from the past do not give anyone the right to harm other people.

Diagnosis and Acceptance

What is a diagnosis? It's the identification of the nature and cause of a certain phenomenon. Diagnosis is used in many different disciplines, with various ways of using logic, analytics, and experience to determine "cause and effect."

When a diagnosis is made, it's half the battle. The next step is to accept it. I heard that I have secondary depression and have needed co-dependency therapy for years.

The second step ticked off: I accepted the diagnosis! Now, the third step, the hardest one: deciding on therapy.

Accepting the diagnosis is a key to step in the healing and self-healing process.

A huge challenge for me is the current conversation with a professional. Consulting with a doctor, psychotherapist, or other specialist took a lot of time. As a self-healer, self-taught, and fan of psychology, I resisted therapy for years. I absolutely know what's wrong with me and why. Supposedly, the greatest joy, as well as the nightmare of psychologists, is a patient aware of their disorder. However, even I thought I knew everything, professional support provided me with a lot of valuable information and dispelled endless doubts.

Now I can openly and without fear, with greater courage, share my feelings and fears with my closest ones, family, or friends and with you, which helps reduce my sense of isolation and strengthens me emotionally. I approach myself with empathy, just as I can be empathetic to others, I have also found self-compassion. Let's be gentle and understanding with ourselves. Understand that accepting the diagnosis and starting treatment are brave steps toward improving health. Depression is an illness, not a sign of weakness. Acceptance of the diagnosis can take time. It's important to give yourself space to process this information and not expect immediate reconciliation with it. Accepting the diagnosis is an individual process that can be full of challenges but is also the first step toward recovery and improving the quality of life.

Let's the journey of healing begin!